'Smash' Recap: Cracking the Whip

Megan Hilty as Ivy Lynn and Katharine McPhee as Karen Cartwright in Times Square on 'Smash.'

Welcome to "Hell on Earth,"otherwise known as episode 9 of Smash. Yes, they actually named the episode that. Either proving the show has a self-reflective sense of humor or is completely clueless. It could really go either way at this point.

However you slice it, this episode features more character-driven storylines than the all-encompassing "Let's make a musical!" plot of previous weeks. Everyone's looking for new gigs or wrapped up in other aspects of life since the investor workshop bombed. The only character still laser-focused on making the musical is feisty producer Eileen.

At a diner, Ivy Lynn haphazardly dumps a bunch of pill bottles on the table. When her friend questions her, she snaps that she needs meds to deal with all the stress since losing the role of Marilyn Monroe. Oh, how ironic when life imitates art, and then subsequently hits us over the head with it.

Meanwhile, in Eileen's office, Ellis rattles off a list of potential replacements for Ivy, name-dropping Anna Paquin, Kate Winslet and Rebecca Duvall, who – spoiler alert! – will be played by Uma Thurman in upcoming episodes. As Derek scoffs at the notion that anyone will bite, Eileen commands Tom and Julia to come up with a better title than Marilyn: The Musical. (For half her paycheck, I could have told them that in week one.)

When Derek gives Eileen attitude about all the changes, she clears the room and calls him out. But he refuses to lift another finger or do another workshop until he sees a finished script. She laughs at his preposterous demands, contacting another director as soon as he walks out. And just like that, Eileen is finally being put to good use!

When Ivy arrives late to an audition for a commercial, she literally bumps right into Karen, causing both of them to awkwardly fumble for items they dropped. Just as she's about to walk in unannounced, Ivy overhears someone say Karen is "perfect" for the part as the door slams in her face, as if she's invisible. Time for one of those pills?

Realizing she has nowhere else to go, Ivy returns to the chorus of Heaven on Earth, the Broadway musical from which she came (and off which this week's title plays). She looks miserable dressed as an angel, rolling her eyes and pouting her way through a song fittingly called "The Higher You Get, the Farther You Fall." Them's the breaks, kid.

On the homefront, Julia's hubby, Frank, finds some suspicious sheet music in their bedroom. It's a song she obviously wrote about her affair with Michael. Once home, she turns white when she finds Frank playing the song. (Did he sit at the piano all day waiting for her to walk through the door?) When confronted, she quickly admits to the affair but says it's over. He explodes with rage, violently pushing her away and storming out. Way to keep things under wraps, Jules.

A seething Frank somehow tracks down Michael at a hole-in-the-wall actor's workshop because, you know, New York is such a small town. When confronted, Michael inadvertently reveals that it wasn't just a one-time fling. Then, pow! Frank lands one right on Michael's perfect jawline. And with that, the campiness of the show dies – and a little piece of me along with it.

But fear not, things are still juicy. Ellis secretly meets with Rebecca Duvall's agent, trying to land the star for the lead to impress Eileen. He even goes so far as to seduce the male agent in order to goose the process. Guess he swings both ways when necessary!

At the same time, Eileen has lunch with a new director, to whom she bad-mouths Derek. When the story lands in the paper, Derek flips. He storms into her office, claiming she purposefully planted the story to get a rise out of him. She pleads innocent, but it's enough whip-cracking to fall back in line and follow her lead. Of all the relationships on the show, she and Derek have the most vibrant one – and they're not even sleeping together. (That would probably ruin the chemistry.)

At home, Karen realizes she wound up with Ivy's sunglasses after they accidentally bumped into each other and vows to return them. At the same time, Ivy notices the mix-up on her end and immediately tosses Karen's glasses in the trash and throws back a few pills. 

Later, Ivy sadly sits in her dressing room in her angel costume. Unable to deal with being back in the chorus, she noshes on some pills. Soon she's giddy and ready for showtime. On stage, she giggles and weaves her way through the chorus. And guess who just happens to show up in the audience? Karen, bearing the sunglasses just in time to see Ivy eat it in front of a sold-out crowd and run off stage.

As Ivy flees into the depths of Times Square, still in costume, Karen runs after her. When Karen tries to give her the glasses, Ivy scoffs at the gesture. "You're nothing special," she slurs. When Ivy says Karen "didn't want it enough" – referring to the role of Marilyn – Karen puts her in her place by saying Ivy was Derek's sloppy seconds, both for the role and sex. But just when you think Karen's growing a pair, she chases after Ivy to apologize.

Add liquor and the two are insta-friends minutes later, busting into Rihanna's "Cheers (Drink to That)" in the middle of Times Square. Just before Ivy faceplants on her bed she reminds Karen that, come morning, they're not BFFs. They are, however, lifelong frenemies.

Feeling overconfident after bedding Rebecca Duvall's agent, Ellis tells Eileen he doesn't want to be her assistant anymore. Instead, he demands co-producer credit for helping land the star. When the phone rings, the two stand off as it goes unanswered. After receiving a tongue-lashing and looks that could kill, Ellis backs down and resumes the position of assistant. What's that you hear? That's once again the crackling sound of defeat as Ellis finally meets his match. Yet another storyline I can get behind. 

After Frank packs his bags and leaves, Julia meets Michael. There's no real reason for this, except it allows her to tell him the affair "exploded her whole life, like a bombshell." And thus a new and improved musical is born – introducing Bombshell, everyone.

Last episode: The Coup

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'Smash' Recap: Cracking the Whip

Megan Hilty as Ivy Lynn and Katharine McPhee as Karen Cartwright in Times Square on 'Smash.'

Welcome to "Hell on Earth,"otherwise known as episode 9 of Smash. Yes, they actually named the episode that. Either proving the show has a self-reflective sense of humor or is completely clueless. It could really go either way at this point.

However you slice it, this episode features more character-driven storylines than the all-encompassing "Let's make a musical!" plot of previous weeks. Everyone's looking for new gigs or wrapped up in other aspects of life since the investor workshop bombed. The only character still laser-focused on making the musical is feisty producer Eileen.

At a diner, Ivy Lynn haphazardly dumps a bunch of pill bottles on the table. When her friend questions her, she snaps that she needs meds to deal with all the stress since losing the role of Marilyn Monroe. Oh, how ironic when life imitates art, and then subsequently hits us over the head with it.

Meanwhile, in Eileen's office, Ellis rattles off a list of potential replacements for Ivy, name-dropping Anna Paquin, Kate Winslet and Rebecca Duvall, who – spoiler alert! – will be played by Uma Thurman in upcoming episodes. As Derek scoffs at the notion that anyone will bite, Eileen commands Tom and Julia to come up with a better title than Marilyn: The Musical. (For half her paycheck, I could have told them that in week one.)

When Derek gives Eileen attitude about all the changes, she clears the room and calls him out. But he refuses to lift another finger or do another workshop until he sees a finished script. She laughs at his preposterous demands, contacting another director as soon as he walks out. And just like that, Eileen is finally being put to good use!

When Ivy arrives late to an audition for a commercial, she literally bumps right into Karen, causing both of them to awkwardly fumble for items they dropped. Just as she's about to walk in unannounced, Ivy overhears someone say Karen is "perfect" for the part as the door slams in her face, as if she's invisible. Time for one of those pills?

Realizing she has nowhere else to go, Ivy returns to the chorus of Heaven on Earth, the Broadway musical from which she came (and off which this week's title plays). She looks miserable dressed as an angel, rolling her eyes and pouting her way through a song fittingly called "The Higher You Get, the Farther You Fall." Them's the breaks, kid.

On the homefront, Julia's hubby, Frank, finds some suspicious sheet music in their bedroom. It's a song she obviously wrote about her affair with Michael. Once home, she turns white when she finds Frank playing the song. (Did he sit at the piano all day waiting for her to walk through the door?) When confronted, she quickly admits to the affair but says it's over. He explodes with rage, violently pushing her away and storming out. Way to keep things under wraps, Jules.

A seething Frank somehow tracks down Michael at a hole-in-the-wall actor's workshop because, you know, New York is such a small town. When confronted, Michael inadvertently reveals that it wasn't just a one-time fling. Then, pow! Frank lands one right on Michael's perfect jawline. And with that, the campiness of the show dies – and a little piece of me along with it.

But fear not, things are still juicy. Ellis secretly meets with Rebecca Duvall's agent, trying to land the star for the lead to impress Eileen. He even goes so far as to seduce the male agent in order to goose the process. Guess he swings both ways when necessary!

At the same time, Eileen has lunch with a new director, to whom she bad-mouths Derek. When the story lands in the paper, Derek flips. He storms into her office, claiming she purposefully planted the story to get a rise out of him. She pleads innocent, but it's enough whip-cracking to fall back in line and follow her lead. Of all the relationships on the show, she and Derek have the most vibrant one – and they're not even sleeping together. (That would probably ruin the chemistry.)

At home, Karen realizes she wound up with Ivy's sunglasses after they accidentally bumped into each other and vows to return them. At the same time, Ivy notices the mix-up on her end and immediately tosses Karen's glasses in the trash and throws back a few pills. 

Later, Ivy sadly sits in her dressing room in her angel costume. Unable to deal with being back in the chorus, she noshes on some pills. Soon she's giddy and ready for showtime. On stage, she giggles and weaves her way through the chorus. And guess who just happens to show up in the audience? Karen, bearing the sunglasses just in time to see Ivy eat it in front of a sold-out crowd and run off stage.

As Ivy flees into the depths of Times Square, still in costume, Karen runs after her. When Karen tries to give her the glasses, Ivy scoffs at the gesture. "You're nothing special," she slurs. When Ivy says Karen "didn't want it enough" – referring to the role of Marilyn – Karen puts her in her place by saying Ivy was Derek's sloppy seconds, both for the role and sex. But just when you think Karen's growing a pair, she chases after Ivy to apologize.

Add liquor and the two are insta-friends minutes later, busting into Rihanna's "Cheers (Drink to That)" in the middle of Times Square. Just before Ivy faceplants on her bed she reminds Karen that, come morning, they're not BFFs. They are, however, lifelong frenemies.

Feeling overconfident after bedding Rebecca Duvall's agent, Ellis tells Eileen he doesn't want to be her assistant anymore. Instead, he demands co-producer credit for helping land the star. When the phone rings, the two stand off as it goes unanswered. After receiving a tongue-lashing and looks that could kill, Ellis backs down and resumes the position of assistant. What's that you hear? That's once again the crackling sound of defeat as Ellis finally meets his match. Yet another storyline I can get behind. 

After Frank packs his bags and leaves, Julia meets Michael. There's no real reason for this, except it allows her to tell him the affair "exploded her whole life, like a bombshell." And thus a new and improved musical is born – introducing Bombshell, everyone.

Last episode: The Coup

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'Smash' Recap: The Coup

Katharine McPhee as Karen Cartwright on 'Smash.'

This week’s episode of Smash is the first since news broke that the series has been picked up for a second season and creator-slash-writer Theresa Rebeck is getting the boot. It’s clear the show is still experiencing growing pains, constantly introducing new characters and storylines that just as quickly disappear. It’s as if they’re throwing in any and every idea to see what sticks, and this week is no different.

After a mixed bag of a workshop, Marilyn: The Musical is in turmoil. (Despite the second season news, I won’t insert a snarky "life imitating art" comment here.) Julia frets the show is "dead," which prompts her husband Frank to goofily serenade her with some Bob Marley ("every little thing is gonna be all right!"). Guess Brian d’Arcy James was getting jealous that pretty much everyone else gets to sing. Next week, expect a duet between Julia’s son Leo and Karen’s boyfriend Dev!

Meanwhile, producer Eileen is wheeling and dealing when Ellis walks in to drop off a package and ask if she needs any help. But before he can sink his claws in, Eileen’s daughter Katie, played by Meryl Streep’s real-life daughter Grace Gummer, shows up, back from a Rich Girl Wants to Make the World a Better Place trip to Micronesia.

While they catch up, Karen meets with scheming director Derek, who reveals he’s working on a new direction for the musical and wants her to perform a test song. The catch? She’s got to keep it a secret from Tom and Julia. Yeah, this sounds like it’ll go over well. But high on the prospect of playing Marilyn Monroe, Karen agrees.

On Mulberry Street, secret lovers Julia and Michael meet in a park, where they exchange niceties before he guesses he’s being fired. That’s OK, he says with a shrug, he would have quit anyway, because his family means more to him. And just like that, it seems like one of the show’s juicier storylines has ended as he walks over to give his wife – who just so happens to be there – a kiss. Yeah, passionate affairs always go away so quickly and quietly. 

When Ellis returns to Eileen’s office while she’s having a three-way fight with her daughter and soon-to-be ex-hubby, he makes himself at home by answering her phone. One call he picks up is from Derek, who leaves a cryptic message that pricks up Ellis’ ear. It’s amazing that any character on this show still trusts Ellis. At this point, they only have themselves to blame when he stabs them all in their backs. (You know he’s got a closetful of sharpened knives somewhere.) 

In a stalker tour de force, Ellis "just happens" to run into Ivy Lynn coming out of a dance class, and he tells her he thinks Derek is up to something with Karen. Ivy is not happy. Ellis is, of course.

While talking to his girlfriend, Ellis admits he thinks Tom and Ivy are "losers" for being doormat artists. They have no power. The real power lies in being a producer, so he sets his sights on Eileen, dropkicking Tom in favor of becoming her assistant. When did this become The Ellis Show? Just asking.

The next day, Eileen and Derek lure Julia and Tom to their makeshift Brooklyn studio to show them the new song they’ve been working on with real-life hitmaker and OneRepublic singer Ryan Tedder. As they walk in, uninvited guests Ellis and Ivy sneak in behind them and hide in a corner.

As the club-worthy beat starts, Karen emerges wrapped in a sheet, writhing on a bed that turns into a cage while masked men dance around. Unlike the classic Broadway appeal of the previous songs, this has more of a postmodern, Off-Broadway edge – and no one but Derek seems to dig it.

When the song ends, Derek immediately defends the production to a disgusted-looking Tom and Julia. When an argument breaks out, all Karen can do is sit in her sad songbird cage and apologize.

After "Mahatma" Katie pulls Eileen aside to chastise her about how she could sink so low, Eileen makes an about-face and apologizes to everyone for the "terrible mistake" she’s made in working with Derek on such a disastrous song.

Soon, ex-besties Tom and Derek are left to face off. We learn that eleven years ago Derek tried to sabotage Tom’s career when a show they worked on together tanked and Derek was only concerned with saving himself. When Derek throws Tom’s homosexuality into the mix, the gloves come off. Tom reveals that all of Broadway knows Derek’s dad screwed a male New York Times reporter to get Derek his one good directorial review at the time. Jaw, meet floor. Or not . . . 

The next day, after things cool off, Eileen tells Derek, Tom and Julia it’s time to dump Ivy Lynn and get a bigger star to play Marilyn. Tom immediately seeks out Ivy and tells her the bad news.

While Ivy wallows in self-pity, Derek shows up at her door to tell her how great she was in the role. It only takes a few seconds for her to get over the fact he tried to replace her with "nobody" Karen, and soon they’re knocking boots, as usual. Guess she was lying when she announced to everyone and their mothers that he sucked in bed.

Last episode: Working Out the Kinks

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Lady Gaga, 'Smash' Among GLAAD Award Winners

Lady Gaga and the TV musical series Smash were among this year's honorees Saturday by gay and lesbian media group GLAAD.

The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation gala in New York honored the best representations of gay community members in various media outlets including music, television, film, blogs and others. Glee stars Cory Montieth and Naya Rivera hosted the event.

Although not present at the ceremony, Lady Gaga won outstanding music artist for her 2011 album Born This Way. Smash producers Neil Meron and Craig Zadan (Chicago, Hairspray) received honors for their series, which features a healthy gay relationship during a Broadway show. 

Being gay is "part of who I am, so it impacts the work that we do," Zadan said. Meron said the two spent years working to "fight, persuade and manipulate" the entertainment industry to incorporate lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender characters and stories.

Last year's indie film Pariah, following a lesbian black teenager in Brooklyn, earned an award as outstanding film in limited release award. HBO's Cinema Verite won best TV movie or miniseries. Openly gay high school student Katy Butler received a special honor in recognition of her anti-bullying efforts, while the award for outstanding TV segment went to ABC World News with Diane Sawyer for "Battle Against Bullying."

Dancing With the Stars, featuring contestant Chaz Bono, the transgender child of Cher and Sonny Bono, was recognized as the year's outstanding reality TV program. Other awards went to Oprah Winfrey, playwright Tony Kushner's The Intelligent Homosexual's Guide to Capitalism and Socialism with a Key to the Scriptures, CNN's Anderson Cooper 360, the New York Times, the Boston Globe and The Advocate.

GLAAD plans to present more media awards in Los Angeles on April 21st and San Francisco on June 2nd.

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Lady Gaga, 'Smash' Among GLAAD Award Winners

Lady Gaga and the TV musical series Smash were among this year's honorees Saturday by gay and lesbian media group GLAAD.

The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation gala in New York honored the best representations of gay community members in various media outlets including music, television, film, blogs and others. Glee stars Cory Montieth and Naya Rivera hosted the event.

Although not present at the ceremony, Lady Gaga won outstanding music artist for her 2011 album Born This Way. Smash producers Neil Meron and Craig Zadan (Chicago, Hairspray) received honors for their series, which features a healthy gay relationship during a Broadway show. 

Being gay is "part of who I am, so it impacts the work that we do," Zadan said. Meron said the two spent years working to "fight, persuade and manipulate" the entertainment industry to incorporate lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender characters and stories.

Last year's indie film Pariah, following a lesbian black teenager in Brooklyn, earned an award as outstanding film in limited release award. HBO's Cinema Verite won best TV movie or miniseries. Openly gay high school student Katy Butler received a special honor in recognition of her anti-bullying efforts, while the award for outstanding TV segment went to ABC World News with Diane Sawyer for "Battle Against Bullying."

Dancing With the Stars, featuring contestant Chaz Bono, the transgender child of Cher and Sonny Bono, was recognized as the year's outstanding reality TV program. Other awards went to Oprah Winfrey, playwright Tony Kushner's The Intelligent Homosexual's Guide to Capitalism and Socialism with a Key to the Scriptures, CNN's Anderson Cooper 360, the New York Times, the Boston Globe and The Advocate.

GLAAD plans to present more media awards in Los Angeles on April 21st and San Francisco on June 2nd.

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'Smash' Recap: Working Out the Kinks

Bernadette Peters as Leigh Conroy

Places, everyone! Things are coming to a head on Smash, as the investor workshop for Marilyn: The Musical is here. It’s time for lights, camera, action!

After doing the nasty last week, Julia and Michael are acting like a couple of teenagers who have a crush, rather than two 40-somethings having an affair. They hold hands and longingly stare into each other’s eyes while standing on a busy NYC street. Seems like they’re taking a big chance since – oh, hey, Derek and Eileen! Who would’ve thought there was a possibility of running into anyone right outside of rehearsal? Shocking.

A call to the mysterious number Karen was handed while performing at a bar mitvah last week leads her to a recording studio, where a surly engineer plops her behind a mic to record a demo for a big-time music producer named Bobby Raskin. Ornery at first, the engineer’s face lights up once she starts singing.

At rehearsal, Michael is clearly tempting fate when he pulls Julia into an empty room for a steamy makeout session. As she wraps her legs around him like it’s an episode of Jersey Shore, Tom inadvertently barges in on them and breaks things up. Oops.

Another oops? The cheating lovebirds didn't check to make sure Tom’s troublemaking assistant, Ellis, wasn’t lurking anywhere. Because, of course, he was. Ew.

As soon as Karen arrives she gets a phone call. The surly engineer wants her to return to the studio. What to do, what to do: Stay dedicated to her $200 a week job as a chorus girl, or chase the dream of becoming an, ahem, American idol? It’s a no-brainer, even for such a goody two-shoes, who heads right back out the door.

On her way out, Karen passes Ivy Lynn, who has her mother (played by Bernadette Peters) in tow. When Mommy Dearest enters the room, jaws drop. Seems Ivy has been hiding the fact that she was spawned by legendary Broadway star Lee Conroy. Hey, a little mother-daughter rivalry never hurt anyone.

The overly excited ensemble surround Lee and beg her to perform. She obliges, leaving Ivy tearing up as she watches mommy hog the spotlight. (Hm . . . maybe that rivalry isn’t so healthy after all.) Seeing that Ivy’s upset, Derek sidles up next to her to tell her she’ll be amazing at the workshop.

Meanwhile, as Julia stares at Michael like an ice cream cone she wants to lick, his wife and toddler stop by for a visit. Sick to her stomach (dairy can do that sometimes), Julia runs outside. Tom chases after her, only to learn she and Michael did the deed last week. Disgusted with herself, she leaves rehearsal early to go home.

When Tom returns with the news of Julia’s departure, Derek and Eileen are miffed. Ellis sees this as his cue to pull new BFF Eileen aside to tattle on Julia and Michael. Although he’s beaming ear to ear, Eileen cuts him off, saying if he repeats the info to anyone else he’ll never work on Broadway again. That’s one way to crush a young, creepy kid’s spirit.

Home early, Julia catches her son Leo smoking pot with a friend. When she freaks out on him, he drops the bombshell that he knows all about the affair. Flabbergasted, she breaks down as he storms off. Way to kill a good buzz, mom.

At Ivy’s apartment, her mother warns her to keep a tight grip on Derek because she’ll never be able to pull off Marilyn Monroe. While she’s being berated, Ivy pops a pain pill. Look ma, just like Marilyn!

On the day of the workshop, Karen gets a call from as-yet-unseen Bobby Raskin, who wants to meet with her ASAP. She declines, because it means she’ll have to skip out on the workshop. Call me optimistic, but I bet she gets a second chance next week.   

During a read-through, Julia and Michael get into a heated discussion about their affair in front of Derek. The depth of what’s going on goes over the usually acute director’s head. Thinking it’s improv, he requests the lines be put into the actual show. That won’t make things awkward or anything.

Soon it’s time for the workshop to begin, as investors pile into the room. Well, it’s more like a sauna than a "room," since the heat can’t be turned off. Right before the show starts, Ivy’s mom shows up and makes a scene as Ivy shoots her death glares.

But Ivy tries to shake it off as she steps into the spotlight. While all eyes are on her, it’s Karen who’s envisioning herself all dolled up as Marilyn on the Broadway stage. Relegated to the chorus, she spends the workshop daydreaming she’s the star rather than just one of the masses.

Although Ivy has a couple of slip-ups, it’s Karen who steals the show when daydreaming leads her to fall off a chair at the end of a song. Time for an intermission! 

And what a juicy intermission it is. Michael makes a pass at Julia right as her hubby shows up, and Derek corners Ivy, telling her to get her head in the game. If her game wasn’t off before, it sure is now. When the workshop ends, Derek whispers to Eileen that changes need to be made.

The next day, the reviews are in, and they’re terrible. The execs start squabbling about whether to replace Ivy. But Ivy fan numero uno Tom shuts the debate down when he snaps that it’s Michael, who plays Joe DiMaggio, who should be replaced. This prompts Julia to rip off the cartoonishly oversized sunglasses she’s been wearing indoors and shoot him a look.

Derek is shocked Michael’s name is even brought up, but Eileen is privy to what’s really going on. When put on the spot, Julia agrees that Michael should be let go. Fade to black. To be continued . . . obviously.

Last episode: Better Living Through Chemistry

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'Smash' Recap: Better Living Through Chemistry

Debra Messing as Julia Houston and Brian d'Arcy James as Frank Houston on 'Smash.'

After a bit of a rocky start, Smash is finally finding its footing while walking a fine line between drama and camp. Things like Julia's unbearably boring adoption quest are out, while her juicy affair with "Joe DiMaggio" is in. Hallelujah!

This week kicks off with Ivy Lynn's voice unexpectedly cracking while she's getting ready in the morning. Half asleep in her bed is hot-and-cold director Derek, who she reassures that everything is OK. It is indeed not, folks.

Before rehearsal, Derek flips out on Julia and Tom because there's an important performance for potential investors coming up and the music for Marilyn: The Musical isn't finished. The burden falls on lyricist Julia, who blames her writer's block on the fact her husband's away and her son's been troubled. But it's pretty obvious that she's got boning on the brain.

When rehearsal starts, Ivy sounds a little off before her voice completely cracks, a la a bad American Idol audition. She's rushed to the doctor, since there are millions of investor dollars hanging in the balance. When Tom returns with news that it's nothing serious but Ivy refuses to take steroids to hasten her recovery, the execs decide to have a private powwow.

For the first time, director Derek admits there's "another Marilyn" they should consider bubbling up to replace Ivy. Tom warns of Ivy catching wind of the idea, since he thinks stress will only exacerbate her condition. Who is this backup, you ask? Karen Cartwright, of course. And Karen just so happens to hear the entire convo, because she's been inadvertently hiding behind a piano after dropping her bag. Oh, those clever Smash writers.

Derek then goes directly to Ivy's house to talk her into taking steroids, even though she's afraid of the "wolfman" side effects. Meanwhile, Karen rushes home to go over the songs, hoping to learn them quickly before getting the official call.

The next morning, Julia daydreams about her kiss with Michael while making pancakes, which she burns. Her clothes are covered in flour and her face has batter streaks all over it, because we all know that when you can't cook, things can get cartoonishly messy quite quickly. The show's clever writers have nailed it again! (Note to writers: This is the kind of camp I enjoy, so please don't stop now.)

As she tries to salvage breakfast for her son, her husband returns from his trip – and she acts as if he just fought in World War II, running into his arms and peppering him with powdery kisses and accolades normally reserved for, you know, people you haven't cheated on. All is right in the world, circa 1950.

Back at rehearsal, Ivy tells Derek the steroids make her feel shaky and nervous, but all he cares about is whether her voice is up to snuff. If it's not, he warns her, he'll ask Karen to step in.

Now comes this week's excuse for Katharine McPhee to sing: Karen replaces Ivy as a hired singer at a bar mitzvah, getting handed a business card from some bigwig in the process. It's becoming painfully obvious the show is running out of reasons to shine the spotlight on McPhee (see: hokey roadhouse karaoke). Perhaps there's a new drinking game here, now that Julia has stopped comically rolling her eyes?

At home, a doped-up Ivy hallucinates that Karen, dressed as Marilyn Monroe, is threatening to steal her role. When Tom finds her in a paranoid state, he discreetly texts Karen, saying he might need her to step in. But he recants the next day, as Ivy comes back down to planet earth. Foiled again!

Meanwhile, Julia gets a phone call at home from Michael, begging her to meet him at the studio that night. She scoffs . . . but later, in bed with her clueless hubby, Julia is fidgety. She claims she's going out for a walk to clear her head – at 10 o'clock at night, in her pajamas. Yeah, nothing to see here, people.

Surprise, surprise, she winds up meeting Michael . . . to tell him she wants nothing to do with him anymore, natch. Uh huh, right. That's why she lied to her husband, snuck out of the house and went all the way crosstown to an empty, dimly lit space where a couch has magically appeared. Soon they're both half naked and making out on said couch. Oh, you two . . .

The next day, Julia and Michael are all smiles at rehearsal, shooting each other knowing glances as he sings and dances a newly penned number on the newly christened couch. Guess sex is one way to clear your head.

But when it's Ivy who loses concentration, Derek "humiliates" her. She in turn announces to everyone that he's "not that good in bed" before storming off. Ah, all in a day's work.

Last episode: Let's Be Bad

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'Smash' Recap: Let's Be Bad

Busty blonde Ivy Lynn may have established herself as Queen Bee last week, but that doesn't mean she's sitting pretty. In fact, it looks like she may be about to learn an age-old lesson: The bigger they are, the harder they fall. Ah, Smash is finally finding its groove.

Trouble starts when moody lothario Derek – aka Mr. Love-to-Hate director – pulls cutesy chorus girl Karen Cartwright aside to practice some one-on-one moves. While they're dirty dancing, wannabe girlfriend Ivy walks in and doesn't like what she sees. Nobody puts Ivy in the corner! But they sure can make her want to slither off there on her own . . .

While one ego is being deflated, another is ballooning, as Michael talks Julia into joining him for dinner to discuss his role in Marilyn: The Musical. Over dessert, the former lovers banter about whether the show is a love story, leaving plenty of room for innuendo and goo-goo eyes. Julia gets so caught up in their "conversation" that she ignores her ringing cell phone. Let the drama begin!

At the same time, Julia's bestie, Tom, is on a date of his own – although there's zero chemistry between him and the snoozy lawyer his mother set him up with. So little, in fact, that he blows off the guy's invitation for a "nightcap." (Does anyone actually even say that anymore?)

Looking for any excuse to end the dry second-date, Tom answers a call from Julia's teenage son, Leo, who's been arrested for smoking pot in Central Park and can't reach his mother to save his life. You don't say?

Next thing you know, Tom and his boring beau are at the police station picking up the (alleged) stoner. When his date starts spewing legalese trying to get the kid out of trouble with the law, Tom gets turned on. Maybe there's something here after all, eh?

Indeed. After getting Leo off (the hook, that is), Tom and his new man get it on. Post-coitus, they share a laugh about how terrible the sex was. Ah, there's no way you can go wrong with a relationship based on bad sex.

The next day, things go from bad to worse for Ivy when Derek gets pissy with her during rehearsal. Exasperated that she's not hitting the notes, he calls on Karen to reprise her breathy take on "Happy Birthday" in order to show Ivy how it's done. But instead of the sexpot version he got late one night on his casting couch, he gets a weak, meek rendition. Still, it's enough for him to order Karen to school Ivy after class.

But you really think the babe-a-licious ingenue is gonna take it lying down? (Ahem . . . ) Think again. When the two rivals are alone, Ivy puts Karen in her place, telling her she'll never have what it takes to play Marilyn. Yet Ivy can't shake the feeling that she's losing her grip on the role, and she winds up in tears at the next rehearsal after Derek fails to heap praise on her.

It's kind of apropos that the number she's trying to perfect is called "Let's Be Bad," in which Ivy is decked out as a boozy, pill-popping Marilyn who's quickly unraveling – just like Ivy herself. When Ivy snaps back to reality and wraps up the song in the rehearsal studio, she's devastated when Derek walks out. Grab some Dramamine. It's tailspin time.

After throwing back a few drinks at a bar, she winds up banging on his door and demanding to know why he keeps humiliating her. His answer, in a nutshell: "I'm an artist! Deal with it! Now, let's make out!"

While Ivy and Derek get it on, Karen works on channeling her inner Marilyn by giving herself a private, chair-straddling striptease in the mirror while singing "It's a Man's Man's Man's World." (Sing it, sister!) Then she slips into a slinky red dress and takes that 'tude to a business dinner with her boyfriend, after which she seduces him in a limo. Talk about a good girl gone bad!

Meanwhile, a very inebriated – and very married – Michael shows up on Julia's doorstep to declare his love for his former flame (also married, 'memba?). While talking outside her apartment, he busts into song to prove just how much he wants her. They wind up making out like the plane's going down.

What kinds of people start an affair on a busy street for all of NYC to see? Not the smartest ones, apparently – especially since Julia's son has been hanging out the window watching their tonsil-hockey match take place. Drama: 1. Dignity: 0. Game, set, match.

Last episode: The High Cost of Art

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'Smash' Recap: The High Cost of Art

Megan Hilty as Ivy Lynn rehearses with the cast on NBC's 'Smash.'

"The road to Broadway is exceedingly long," notes smarmy director Derek in this week's episode of Smash. Truer words were never spoken, as it's only the first day of workshops for Marilyn: The Musical – and the word of the week is, awk-ward!

When Karen arrives at rehearsal to take her place in the ensemble, her peers snicker at how she smacks of the Midwest. Meanwhile, when an overeager Ellis approaches Julia, she stares straight ahead and sits as far away from him as possible. She probably doesn't want to catch his creepiness cooties.

As if there isn't enough drama in the air, Derek arrives in a snit as Julia and her ex-lover Michael share an awkward moment, when she shakes his hand nervously and repeatedly refers to how "great" he is. Great at what, exactly, hmm? 

Ivy is last to arrive, and she gets a round of applause for landing the role as Ms. Monroe. But her high is short-lived when she realizes Karen has been cast in the chorus. Why didn't Derek tell her? After all, she is sleeping with him . . . which you'd think would make him a stand-up guy.

Things quickly turn nasty when Ivy stops mid-song to take a swipe at Karen, whose enthusiasm is too much for her to handle. Sensing that Ivy's annoyed, Derek approaches her during a break to invite her to a party he's throwing for wunderkind actor Lyle West (played by Nick Jonas), whom he claims to have discovered. Overhearing the invitation, the chorus line starts twittering about how the two are "doing the nasty," which is news to Karen.

Skipping out on the festivities is show producer Eileen, who's upset that her assets have been frozen while she's divorcing her husband – especially when "all" she needs is $200,000 to get the ball rolling on the show. Chump change, right?

While eating lunch, Ivy questions songwriter Tom about why no one told her Karen was in the ensemble. When she casually mentions that Derek discovered Lyle, Tom runs to BFF Julia in a fit over Derek laying claim to Lyle's fame.

Upon returning to rehearsal, Tom tries to appease Ivy by moving Karen as far away from the rising starlet as possible during the song-and-dance routine they're practicing. But it's still not enough, and Karen is eventually taken out of the number altogether. Round one winner: Ivy.

Back in Brokeville, Eileen decides to sell an original Degas sketch in order to raise some money for the Marilyn fund. But she learns she can't, because the original bill of sale is in her soon-to-be ex-hubby's name. Bet she wishes she had saved one of those drinks she threw in his face for a moment like this.

As the rehearsal rolls on, Julia and Michael make goo-goo eyes at each other. But as soon as he tries to talk to her, she takes off.

While practicing yet another tune, Karen gets kicked out of the chorus line once again when Ivy gets distracted. Fed up, she storms out of the room to cool off. When one of the chorus girls approaches her, she lashes out about everyone snubbing her, admitting she had first crack at sleeping with Derek to nab the role. The gloves are off!

Next thing you know, Karen and the peanut gallery are fast friends, going on a shopping spree for new clothes so Karen can "blend in" and appease Ivy. As day rolls into night, the gang rolls over to Karen's apartment to teach her how to turn into a Broadway wallflower.

Hoping to pull Eileen out of her funk, Julia drags the perfectly coifed pauper to the party Derek's throwing for Lyle. Before heading out the door, Eileen grabs her Degas – after all, Lyle did just sign an $80 million syndication contract. That's the spirit!

As soon as they arrive, Eileen makes a mad dash for cash as Julia spends her time snarling at Ellis. Cornering Lyle, Eileen tries to get him to buy her drawing for $200,000. He offers to front her the dough, if she can prove that Marilyn: The Musical is worth the money. Cha-ching!

Cue an impromptu rendition of the much-practiced musical number featuring Ivy in a painted-on dress and a motley crew of backup dancers, including Ellis looking like the wide-eyed freak that he is. Lyle is enamored with Ivy, so she asks him to show her the bedroom after she's finished singing. Rawr. 

But instead of getting it on, they find Eileen staring longingly at the sketch she just sold. The usually stoic divorcee admits she's reminiscing about the "past happiness" the Degas represents. Sorry, tweens, the littlest Jonas Brother must have had a "no nudity" clause in his contract.

Despite almost having knocked boots with a JoBro, Ivy calls Derek out for having his hand on another woman's ass. He justifies it by saying he was just trying to drum up some money for the show. After trading barbs, Ivy asks him to show her the bedroom. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

In a less glamorous part of town, Karen and her new crew are tying one on at a bar. And, a la last week's honky-tonk karaoke hoedown, Katharine McPhee gets to tick off her contractually guaranteed solo number by breaking into a choreographed rendition of Adele's "Rumour Has It." Hey, a girl's gotta steal the spotlight somehow, right?

Last episode: Meet Joe DiMaggio

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'Smash' Recap: Meet Joe DiMaggio

Megan Hilty as Ivy Lynn and Will Chase as Michael Swift in 'Smash'

"Enter Mr. DiMaggio." As the title of this week’s episode suggests, it’s time for some new blood to join the cast of Smash as Michael Swift – played by Will Chase, a real-life Broadway vet – lands the role of Joltin’ Joe in Marilyn: The Musical.

But before he makes his first appearance, we’re treated to rising star Ivy Lynn and charmingly scuzzy director Derek getting frisky between the sheets. While doing the walk of shame afterwards, Ivy has an a-ha moment: Did Derek give her the part because she slept with him? Gasp! Seems hard to believe that such an "experienced" actress is just connecting the dots. I’d insert a "dumb blonde" joke here, but it’s too obvious. Feel free to come up with your own.

Over in good-girl land, Karen Cartwright meets Derek at a bar, where we learn she scored a spot in the ensemble. Despite being the one who put her there, Derek says Karen has "too much talent" to be just a chorus girl and suggests "a lot can happen" before the curtain actually goes up. Nudge nudge, wink wink.

Just then, Karen’s boyfriend Dev crashes the get-together, readily admitting he’s there to check out the competition. The two Brits wind up in a pissing contest, which Dev wins since he "got to go home with the girl.

When an open casting call for Mr. DiMaggio yields nothing but eye-rolls, Michael Swift’s name is dropped, since he has worked with Julia and Tom in the past. But Julia doesn’t seem too thrilled with the idea of him playing Marilyn’s short-lived spouse, and Michael isn’t sure it’s in the best interest of his young family to take on the role.

The next day, Julia and Tom are working on new songs when Michael’s name comes up again, and Julia gets all weird. First she claims he’s "not right for the part," then she  tries to convince Tom to scrap the DiMaggio character altogether. Hmm, something fishy is going on . . . 

Insert unnecessary storyline of the week here: Karen goes home to Iowa to see her parents and attend her best friend’s baby shower. The trip is basically one big set-up for Karen to sing a karaoke rendition of Gretchen Wilson’s "Redneck Woman" while gawkily dancing barefoot in a honky-tonk bar. Hey, at least it’s not Julia’s mind-numbing adoption quest, which is thankfully absent this week.

Back in NYC, Tom’s assistant Ellis – a.k.a. Creepy McCreepster – decides Julia and Tom should pay him for coming up with the idea of Marilyn: The Musical. So he steals Julia’s songbook and rifles through it. Why? Who knows. Did he find anything interesting? Unclear. What was the point of stealing it? Beats me!

Despite having officially landed the role of Marilyn, Ivy is nervous that she hasn’t heard from Derek in three days. Then, ta-da! He shows up at her Heaven on Earth dressing room—and they hook up as her cast mates press their ears up against the door. (Do people actually do that in real life?! ’Cause it sure happens a lot on this show.)

Cut to Julia and Michael running into each other at Eileen’s office, where the most awkward It Takes Two People To Push an Elevator Button moment happens. After learning Michael’s taking the part of DiMaggio, Karen makes a beeline for the lift, where she seemingly needs help choosing between "up" and "down." This gives Michael the opportunity to lean in, take a weirdo whiff and whisper that she "smells good." Game on.

At a restaurant, Eileen runs into her soon-to-be ex-husband, who gifts her with a pair of diamond earrings. He wants her back – and he wants in on Marilyn: The Musical. But she’s having none of it, refusing his advances and dousing him with a drink, a la last week. (The drink-toss was awesomely campy the first time, somewhat funny the second and just plain lame the third go-round. Time for a new move, Eileen.)

Across town, Tom is on a lunch date with a cast member of Heaven on Earth, who tells him that Ivy is sleeping with Derek. Tom flips out, immediately running to BFF Julia to commisserate about how the director is acting like a total d-bag. But to his surprise, she defends Derek, barking there’s no reason to be so judgmental. Those pesky glass houses!

When Tom storms off in disgust, Julia chases after him, only to run into annoying Ellis. The two get into a spat when the World’s Worst Assistant blocks her path. She lays into him, but he puts her in her place with his newfound cockiness before handing over the notebook, which he claims he found under a pile of mail. Riiight.

After apologizing to Tom, Julia reveals a deep, dark, yet oh-so-obvious secret – she and Michael had a passionate affair, and her hubby of 18 years has no clue. But you know who does? Ellis, who’s been hanging out in the hallway eavesdropping. Didn’t see that coming. Oh, wait, yes I did – because that’s all he ever does.

Later, at an intimate rehearsal, Ivy and Michael sing a romantic original song, "Mr. and Mrs. Smith," as Michael and Julia make eyes at each other while Ellis skulks and schemes. Dun dun dun. Looks like things are getting interesting . . . 

Last episode: The Final Callback

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'Smash' Recap: Marilyn Monroe Is Broadway-bound

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