'True Blood' Season Finale Recap: The Rapture

Stephen Moyer as Bill Compton in 'True Blood.'

We knew it would be tough topping Tara getting shot in the head, but the True Blood writers have done it again, with last night's season finale supporting Sam Trammell's claim that this was the best cliffhanger yet. Here's my question though: The old Lilith was pretty boring, her vocabulary limited to little more than the phrase "I choose you." Will this new vampire god at least continue bloviating in that syrupy-sweet Louisiana accent of his, peppering his speech with "Sookeh!"? Because if that version of Bill is gone for good then a big piece of this series has died along with him.

As expected, the death toll was high in "Save Yourself," but this being True Blood, there is little time to mourn the lost – even in the case of Russell, whose campy, playful and utterly maniacal presence will sorely be missed. He was staked in order to make way for what will undeniably be Season Six's villain, the vampire god I can only call "Billith."

True Blood has always ended its seasons with a handful of plot lines either unresolved or newly introduced, but this particular season finale has left almost all the characters knee-deep in conflict, with summer 2013 feeling like a lifetime away. However, for those frustrated by the seemingly forgotten-about plot involving M. Warlow, fear not: HBO GO is offering a sneak peek of Season Six, and it turns out Nora is familiar with the mysterious vampire who cut a deal with Sookie and Jason's ancestor 300 years ago.

Vampires, Humans and Shifters

Now that Russell has devoured the Fairy Elder, Sookie and her brethren are no longer invisible to the still-hungry vampire. Firing on all cylinders, the fairies blast Russell with light power, although Sookie isn't much use to them, with her "microwave fingers" shorting out every few seconds. No matter, because the fairies aren't making a dent in Russell's resistance anyway. But who needs light power when your fear can summon a vampire with an ancient grudge? Before the credits have rolled, Russell Edgington is dead at the hands of Eric, who is almost giddy over avenging his Viking family's murder: "That felt even better than I thought it would." Steve, heartbroken over his lost love, zips away, not to be seen again for the rest of the episode – kind of.

 It's easy to dust yourself off from a light power/staking battle like this one if you're vampire, fairy or part-fairy, but if you're a mere human like Jason, you're going to suffer some side effects. In the case of Sookie's brother, who was caught in the Russell/Fairy Elder crossfire at the end of last week's episode, he's now suffering from some nasty hallucinations – namely, the ghosts of Corbett and Michelle Stackhouse.

Back at Authority headquarters, Sam (who gave the wardrobe department one less person to dress for the final two episodes of the season) has a brief audience with Bill, having volunteered to be his "breakfast," but his attempts to reason with Sookie's now completely cuckoo ex are only met with fangs. It's a good thing Sam can shift into a fly – not only because it allowed him to get away, but because Bill jumping on chandeliers in an effort to catch him was one of the episode's unintentionally comedic high points. After taking a quick loop around Steve and Russell's bedroom, Sam makes it back to Luna in her jail cell, with a crafty plan in hand.

Sookie takes Jason back to her house to decompress, but Corbett and Michelle's near-constant vampire trash-talk is having its intended effect on their son. By the time Eric, Nora and Tara (the vampire sibs made a pit stop at Fangtasia, where Tara brought them up to speed on Pam) burst into the house seeking Sookie's help to break Jessica and Pam out of the Authority – and get Bill to drop his cult-leader behavior – Jason is showing signs of becoming the newest incarnation of an anti-supernatural hatemonger. Despite her brother's protestations, Sookie agrees to help the vampires, because, as Tara reminds her twice, with plenty of hostility in her voice (yeah, she's not ready to reconcile with her best friend just yet), "You. Owe. Pam." That and Eric promises to transfer ownership of the house back to Sookie within 24 hours. Where did that come from? Killing Russell? Eric's gentle demeanor this episode was very Season Four, which of course means it won't last. Sigh.

A power-suited Steve enters the Authority prison area to collect wolf cub Emma for a walk. But he seems twitchy, nervous – and as Chelsea, the young marketing-student vampire receptionist notices, suddenly devoid of his Southern accent. That's because it's a skinwalking Luna, who is about to exit the Authority with her daughter in her arms and her boyfriend (still a fly) on her shoulder when she's stopped by an agitated Rosalyn. That video of Steve and Russell draining 22 frat boys wound up going viral after all and now Rosalyn needs the AVL spokesman to do damage control on a news broadcast. "Steve" is ushered into a small room with a camera, and within seconds Luna has the attention of the entire nation. But the message that comes across is that not only do vampires exist, but shape-shifters as well. Luna-as-Steve, unable to hold her shift any longer, begins vomiting black blood before reverting back to her natural appearance. She also announces to the world that the Authority vampires are keeping humans as food in an underground bunker in New Orleans, which most likely will trigger a human uprising come Season Six. Just as Rosalyn is about to feed on Luna, a fly enters the vampire's mouth, causing her eyes to pop out and blood to spurt from her face before she explodes, leaving nothing but a goo-covered, naked Sam in her wake. Luna, her body ravaged from skinwalking – but Emma safe in her arms – begins passing out, the camera cutting away before we learn if she met the same fate as Tommy Mickens. Will Season Six find Sam a single stepdad?

Eric and Nora gain clearance from Bill back into the Authority, with a bound-and-gagged Jason, Tara and Sookie in the back of Jason's truck posing as their prisoners. Once in the elevator, the five gear up with stakes and guns, with Jason, dressed like a cat burglar and rocking a "Time for tolerance is over" attitude, out for the kill. They jam the surveillance feed, and upon entry, sharpshooter Jason makes a clean sweep of every vampire security guard, with Nora and Eric finishing off the rest by descending Mission: Impossible-style (without wires – remember, they can fly). Their path clear, Sookie and Tara bust Jessica and Pam out of their cells, leading up to the hottest kiss all season – between Tara and Pam! (Sookie's reaction: "Oh, OK." Jessica, who totally called this last week: "I knew it!") But it's not a happy reunion for everyone. When Jess sees Jason in the Authority lobby, she runs into his arms and proclaims her love for him, but he's so far gone in his own extremist beliefs now that he doesn't even reciprocate her hug. "I can't ever love a vampire," he states matter-of-factly. Jess is crushed – and so are we. This girl has to meet someone new next season, please? Maybe a vampire this time? Before she becomes as hardened and bitter as Pam? Once Eric and Nora reappear, the gang is ushered back into the elevator, which is headed up to the safety of the roof. Only Eric and Sookie stay behind, in their last-ditch effort to save Bill.

One of the reasons why everyone has actually managed to escape is because Bill, who petulantly established himself as the "chosen one" last week (beheading Kibwe, smacking Jessica) has been too busy tricking Salomé into thinking that she is the new prophet. Dressed in angelic white, Salomé drinks the entire vial of Lilith's blood, but begins to violently contort on the carpet. Bill, his humanity forever a memory, sits at her side, and calmly and smugly begins to explain how he outsmarted her. Her narcissism allowed her to be both blind to the idea of anyone else being the chosen one, and so impatient for what she believed to be the Rapture that she didn't even smell the blood she drank. It was not Lilith's blood, and furthermore, it was blood laced with silver. Salomé concedes to her rival just before he stakes her, "Lilith chose wisely."

Right before Bill drinks down Lilith's actual blood, Eric and Sookie show up to combat his message of hate with one of love. But it's unlikely the most skilled de-programmer could jolt Bill out of his zealotry. The tirade of venom that Bill unleashes onto Sookie, culminating in his calling her an "abomination," is enough to cause even Eric to wince. (While in their jail cell, Jess mentioned to Pam that the Vampire Bible considers Sookie an abomination. The question is, why? Because she's half-fairy, half-human?) To Bill, this religious fervor is the release from the century-plus of torment and guilt he has carried with him. He believes that Lilith has freed him from an eternity of fear. Sookie, bawling over the loss of the man she loved (again), tries one more time to remind Bill of what they once shared: "If I ever, meant anything to you at all . . ." But Bill cuts her off, destroying any vestiges of their love for good: "I told you, the first night we met, vampires often turn on those they love the most."

Bill swallows Lilith's blood, while Sookie, Eric and the rest of us watch in horror as blood shoots out of his eyes and mouth – and the 175-year-old vampire explodes into a pile of goo. For a handful of seconds, as Eric comforts a shattered Sookie, we're forced to envision a True Blood without Bill Compton (which is just weird). And that's when Eric notices Bill's entrails are still moving. Suddenly, a blood-soaked Bill rises from the puddle, and a new vampire god is born. "Billith" brandishes his fangs, and Eric and Sookie bolt.

I think it's safe to say that we're all on Team Eric now, no?

Favorite Couple: How could it be anyone other than Tara and Pam? They've gone from mortal enemies to unwitting maker and progeny to willing lovers in the span of one week. Let's hope they'll find the time in between the Billith madness to go on some vampire dates next season. In their geisha dresses.

Winning Species: Fairies. Other than their pre-credits cameo, the fairies took a backseat to the action in this episode. Except for Maurella, who popped out four daughters (and sported a completely flat stomach after the deed) while visiting Andy at Merlotte's – and then left them to be raised by their father and ostensibly, Holly, who only had these words for her fairy-humping beau: "You're a dick." Between Andy's fairy babies, Sookie's fading light power and the unresolved M. Warlow story line, these supes aren't going anywhere next season.

Losing Species: Werewolves. Ever since Alcide's thwarted boots-knocking with Sookie, the werewolf plot lines have remained completely disconnected from the rest of the story – unless you're named Emma. In short, to level the playing field with the malicious J.D., Alcide took a shot of V (courtesy of his father, the T-1000-erm, I mean, Jackson), broke J.D.'s neck, and took his rightful place as Shreveport packmaster, ordering all wolves to respect one another and not take advantage of those younger and weaker. Great. What's that got to do with the Bon Temps crew?

Previously: Game Time

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'Walking Dead' Season Finale Recap: Farewell to the Farm

Rick Grimes on 'The Walking Dead.'

Where we left off: Shane broke Randall’s neck in an elaborate plan to lure Rick into the woods to murder him. Randall turned into a zombie. Rick saved himself and knifed Shane, who immediately re-animated. Carl the Kid saw it all go down and shot Zombie Shane, saving Rick.

Where we pick up: So many zombies are traipsing through Atlanta, gnawing on flesh. (I am pretty sure it’s Atlanta because I spent the last week there looking for zombies and it all looks rather familiar.) The zombies see a helicopter in the sky. (The same helicopter Rick once saw? Is this a semi-flashback?) The chopper draws their attention. They lurch onward, passing the highway filled with corpses. They keep marching, under the light of a full moon. The zombies herd together.  There are so many different kinds of zombies – a surgeon zombie! A hipster zombie with a bike messenger bag! Young lady zombies and middle-aged man zombies! A zombie that looks remarkably like a Sith Lord! The walkers are thwarted by a fence with a hand-painted sign reading "Trespass its your ass." The zombies do not worry about trespassing and they surge through the wooden fence.  And they must walk and walk and walk, for soon the zombies arrive in the woods outside Hershel’s farmhouse. They hear a shot. They turn towards the sound, and lo and behold, they are mere feet away from Rick and Carl walking back towards the house. The only thing standing between them and certain zombie death is a flimsy fence.

Credits! Deep breath. Oh goodness, this episode is already amazing. Zombies! So many zombies! Hooray for all of the zombies!

The womenfolk wait inside the house as Daryl and Glen return. Daryl spills his tracking deductions that Shane and Randall were together until Shane broke Randall’s neck. He also reveals that Randall turned into a zombie without being bitten. Lori panics and begs Daryl to go out and find Rick and Shane.

Carl and Rick hurry towards the farmhouse and the kid demands to know what happened. He heard a gunshot but he didn’t see any walkers nearby. Rick pauses and starts to explain, but they realize an entire army of zombies is bearing down on them. Glen and Daryl and Andrea watch from the porch as the herd lurches towards them. Rick and Carl run across the lawn and barricade themselves in the barn as the other Still Alives realize that Carl is missing from the house.

The Still Alives kill the farmhouse lights and grab their guns. They have guns and they have cars and they will take out as many zombies as they can and use the cars to lure the rest of the walkers away. Hershel takes a stand – this is his farm and it’s as good a night as any to die.

In the barn, Rick douses hay with gasoline and commands Carl to climb into the hayloft. Rick tells Carl to drop the lighter when he gives the command, and also tells him that he loves him. Rick opens the barn door and lures the zombies inside. Now, Carl, now! Drop that lighter! Incinerate those zombies!

The motorcade of Still Alives takes off. T-dog drives while Andrea shoots, and Maggie has the wheel while Glenn is on gun duty. Daryl fires from his motorcycle and tells Jimmie to drive the RV around the back of the burning barn to see if Rick and Carl are back there.  The RV pulls up and Rick and his son leap onto its roof. As they clamber to safety, zombies reach into the RV and attack poor Jimmie. They tear at his flesh viciously. (And sort of sexually? Maybe?) Rick shoots at the zombies. Jimmie’s blood splatters across the windshield.

The Still Alive motorcade wheels donuts around the perimeter of the farm fence, shooting zombies as quickly (and shockingly accurately!) as possible. Rick and Carl flee into the woods. (Nooooooo!) Hershel and his shotgun defend the house. Lori refuses to leave because she can’t find her son. The womenfolk realize it’s time to go, no matter what. They holler for Hershel, who seems like he’s ready to play captain and go down with his ship.

The women take off and a zombie grabs Patricia as Beth struggles to pull her free. Lori drags Beth away as Patricia goes down. More zombies chase Carol and she runs away. Andrea and T-dog screech to a halt and Lori drags Beth into their truck. Andrea runs out to rescue Carol and shoots the zombie who’s about to eat her. T-dog and the other ladies are almost overcome by walkers and they drive off. The herd traps Glenn and Maggie so they flee with their car in reverse. Hershel keeps on shooting until he is out of ammo. The zombies won’t stop advancing. Just as Hershel is about to be eaten, Rick pops out of nowhere and saves his life. Rick tries to lead Hershel away. "It’s my farm," protests Hershel. Not anymore.

Daryl watches the barn burn. He hears a shriek and races towards the sound. He rescues Carol and they tear away from the herd of zombies. Hershel, Rick and Carl jump into a truck and drive off. The farm is lost. The barn collapses as the never-ending surge of zombies stumble towards the camera. Andrea is left all alone.

Oh, hooray! This episode is a quintessential struggle for survival with seriously high stakes! This season was sooooo slow and took soooooo long just so this finale could be so action-packed and so riveting? And maybe lost a lot of viewers along the way? Note: if you stopped watching during the Sophia search, just go back and watch this episode. It is zombie action galore and will satisfy all your zombie needs.

Daryl and Carol (they rhyme) slalom through the zombies, tearing down a dirt path. Maggie and Glenn hurdle through the woods. Dawn breaks over the Georgia countryside. Glenn wants to return to the spot on the highway where they left supplies for Sophia. Maggie melts down. Glenn tells her he loves her and takes over the driver’s seat.

Rick, Carl and Hershel arrive at the Sophia-supply car – apparently they agreed on that meet-up point or else they just all realize they could reconvene there. Carl freaks out that they need to go find Lori because she’s his MOM. Rick tries to quiet him but Carl shouts back that they have to find his MOM.

Hershel instructs Rick to get the boy to safety while the good horse doc waits for Lori and the other women to arrive. Rick appeals to him as a man of god to have some faith that everyone else is alive. "Christ promised a resurrection of the dead," Hershel replies. "I just thought he had something a little different in mind." Rick announces that they’re going to stick together.

T-Dog drives away with Lori and Beth. Lori wants to go back to the special Sophia spot on the highway. T-Dog has a plan – he wants to go east, to the coast, where they’ll have a chance to escape. He knows that turning around will be suicide. But Lori threatens to jump out of the truck and set off on foot unless he agrees to go look for the others. T-dog reluctantly turns the truck around.

On the highway, Carl and the two men stay quiet to avoid Preppy Zombie. Hershel worries that they can’t wait forever, and he urges Rick to keep Carl safe despite Carl’s pleas to wait for Lori. Rick kneels down to explain to Carl that they need to leave and suddenly – wait, what could it be? It sounds like – a motorcycle? Here come Daryl and Carol! And wait, what’s that? It’s T-dog and the ladies! And Maggie and Glenn! Hail, hail, the gang’s all here!!! Giant smiles for all the Still Alives! Except for the members of their posse who are now Newly Deads. Au revoir to Patricia and Jimmy. And Shane. (Hmmmmm.) And where’s Andrea? Oh dear.

T-dog insists that they need to keep moving, to head east away from the main road. Daryl shoots Preppy Zombie with an arrow and the remaining Still Alives drive away. Their sign urging Sophia to stay there is faded and just about washed away.

In the woods, Andrea runs and runs and runs with a flock of zombies close behind her. She’s been running all night and now it’s daylight and she pauses to catch her breath and reload her guns. She’s running out of ammo so she smashes one zombie’s head into a tree and stomps his head in. She keeps running. She shoots the zombies in her path. She runs and runs and runs and there are so very many zombies.  I am sorry I called you Smugface Andrea! You are a tough lady and I am sorry they left you all alone and you’d better keep running, please!

On the road, Rick’s truck runs out of gas. The Still Alive motorcade stops to make camp for the night so they can make a run for gasoline in the morning. Maggie and Glenn offer to go scrounge for gas but Rick demands that they all stick together. Rick insists that they’ll find a place and hunker down and fortify themselves and stay alive. Glenn challenges him: the walkers are migrating, he says. Maggie adds that they can never be safe. Hershel mourns his farm.

Rick tries to make a plan for their immediate survival while Daryl reveals that they found Randall and he turned into a zombie without being bitten. He adds that Shane killed Randall. "And then the herd got Shane?" Lori asks. Rick pauses, dodging the question. "We’re all infected," he admits. That’s what Jenner at the CDC told him and he’s been keeping it a secret because he thought it was best if no one else knew. The remaining Still Alives are stunned.

Lori wraps her arms around Rick to comfort him and he explains that he killed Shane in self-defense. He describes Shane’s murderous plan and stammers that he knew what was going on and he could have stopped it but he just wanted it over. "He was dogging me every step of the way, acting like I stole you and Carl, like I was in the way," Rick announces. "I just wanted him dead.... I killed him. He turned. That’s how I knew Jenner was right." Lori crumples. Rick tries to comfort her but she jerks away and storms off. Is she angrier that he killed Shane or that he talked her into keeping that baby even though he knew they were all infected? She theoretically had a chance to end that pregnancy before she yakked up the pills, and Rick talked her into keeping it. Even though he knew that everyone was going to turn into a zombie? Hmmmm.

Andrea is still alone in the woods as dusk begins to fall. The zombies snarl all around her. She rams the butt of her gun into one zombie’s skull and takes out another walker with a knife. She trips and falls and a zombie leers above her. She struggles, until the zombie is shot from behind. A mysterious hooded figure looms over Andrea. The hooded figure leads two zombies on chains, and these zombies are armless, and if you read the comics you know who this is but let’s pretend that the television show is all that we know about this world. Mysterious hooded figure with chained zombies alert!

T-dog keeps watch at the Still Alives’ fire, as Carol and Daryl bicker about trusting Rick’s leadership. Beth hears a noise in the woods and Maggie insists that they need to leave, right now. Rick loses his shit and shouts that he is keeping this group together alive, and that he has been through hell and killed his best friend and if anyone else thinks they can do a better job as the leader, then they are welcome to try for themselves. "Send me a postcard if you can do better," he taunts, "Let’s see how far you get. Any takers?" No one volunteers. "Fine!" he continues. "We get one thing straight. If you’re staying, this isn’t a democracy anymore."

Lori looks aghast. T-dog looks menacing. Hershel looks vaguely smirky. A crane shot pulls back and goes wide, tilting up and away from the Still Alives’ campfire. The full moonlight reveals a large prison looming just over the horizon.

And so! Onwards to season three! Prisons and mysterious hooded figures and a dictatorship! (A Ricktatorship?) Oh my!

Scorecard:

Humans: Goodbye to you, Patricia and Jimmie.

Zombies: So long, Preppy Zombie. And Incinerated Zombies. And Shot Zombies. And Bludgeoned Zombies. And Knifed Zombie. And Tree-smashed Zombie.

Extra points: Who was in the helicopter??

LAST EPISODE: Boys Becoming Men, Men Becoming Zombies

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